Open Road Meditation & Mindfulness Dialogue

 

January 15, 2020

 

Welcome to our fifth meditation and mindfulness dialogue! The numbers below refer to passages from the book Your True Home by Thich Nhat Hanh. (JS)

*

 

WITHOUT

 

Picture nothing.

 

Nothing is pictured.

 

And then everything food sex stoplight

yoga mat grocery bag little gnat—

 

as through a valve

in the middle of that pictured

nothing:

 

it all comes rushing

like sparks

jetting in the void.

 

The ocean goes back in the bottle

only when you ignore it.

 

I flit from station to station,

knowing nothing of meditation.

 

And I seek out mute buttons

as if there are more than one,

as if it is something that exists

 

without.

 

—Alex Tretbar

*

 

Mr. Barnes, in the December issue you said you wrote the paper (letter) six times over, but know, more times than not, the first writing is always the best, since when re-written over and over you can lose the essence of your writing. Don’t overthink it. The first edition was your rawest, which tends to be most true and to the heart. I find that in journaling, when I go back to read previous entries, I think I should have said it this way or that, but in reality it is its most true and rawest, honest to who you are.

 

I also would give you this thought in regards to what you wrote about how we all were born upon a set of scales that started to tip in one direction or the other since our birth. I understand your concept of the scale relating to one side being good, while the other is bad. But… Have you considered that there is no scale? In reading #312 None Other Than Enlightenment in Your True Home it seemed to me that the basic premise is that through enlightenment there is no scale. You can see the truth in all things, that truth being the good and bad in all things. Good and bad are one thing: the flower in the garbage and the garbage in the flower.

 

Mr. Gilbert, so many things this year have showed us that society is in dire need of a change, and that we all need a little more enlightenment. There is a lot of me me me, hate, blame for this or that, or: since you don’t believe what I believe I hate you. I briefly touched on this in November’s issue of M & M, but I will write a little more. On 11/2/20 I read #346 What Separates Us in our book Your True Home. In the message, it talks about labels. Putting labels on people is hurtful and destructive. Labels are what’s currently wrong in society. It’s us vs. them. Labels are something that hurts every one of us. Society uses labels  to dehumanize, to separate us into groups, and if we can eliminate labels there can be peace in the world. We are all people on this planet, one society, one human race, and until we get that our society will not be able to heal. Be the one! On society, one human race, one world together.

 

What I want to write about for myself is about something that really affected me to the point of tears forming when I started journaling. I debated even writing this in the newsletter because of how it affected me and how personal it is to me, but after writing to my friend Jacob Green about what happened, I started to feel empowered to include what happened for everyone in the newsletter. On 12/2/20 I read #316 The Smile of Nonfear in Your True Home. This passage for some reason stirred something inside me. It’s the word “afflictions” that woke this thought, but really the whole bottom half spoke to me. Afflictions have been something I have been struggling with for a large part of my prison sentence. I’ve seen that what I had done to land me in prison these 18 years was an affliction. I concentrated on that “perceived” affliction for those first years, trying to correct where I went wrong. It took many many years to find my path to better and correct who I am, and to this point I, in some ways, didn’t know how I got there, or where I am today. But now, in reading #316, I may have a little more of an idea. I recognized early on that a big part of what I did was founded on a deluded mind and thought pattern that needed correcting if I was to live a life outside these fences. If I couldn’t succeed in correcting my deluded mind, thought pattern and affliction, I didn’t deserve a life outside the fence, or maybe even a life at all. What I saw in myself was only a deluded mind and thoughts, and in doing so I could only see the afflictions within myself. 

 

Somehow, over the years, a slow chip away happened. I found my true mind, and in doing so I no longer only saw my afflictions, but saw much more. Call it enlightenment. I no longer concentrated on my deluded mind or thoughts, which in turn, I suppose, allowed me to truly heal my affliction that got me here to prison. I am still not perfect by far, none of us are, but I truly believe I have healed enough now to start my next chapter in life. A life outside these fences. A life as me and who I am. A life that will allow me to continue to heal and better who I am, the person I know I am and want to be.

 

Above is what I wrote in my journal. I know that many guys in prison struggle with their afflictions that caused and/or contributed to their incarceration. Some feel they don’t deserve forgiveness, and forgiveness from those you hurt may never come, but forgiveness of yourself is possible. It happens with internal healing and the enlightenment that you don’t need to run away from your afflictions, because with a true mind the afflictions are no longer there. And without afflictions there is only enlightenment; through enlightenment you will see much more within yourself.

 

Thanks for listening. May peace, love, harmony and mindfulness be with you all.

 

—Joshua Underhill

*

 

A meditative mind is silent. It is not the silence which thought can conceive of; it is not the silence of a still evening; it is the silence when thought—with all its images, its words and perceptions—has entirely ceased. This meditative mind is the religious mind—the religion that is not touched by the church, the temple or by chants.

 

The religious mind is the explosion of love. It is this love that knows no separation. To it, far is near. It is not the one or the many, but rather the state of love in which all division ceases. Like beauty, it is not of the measure of words. From this silence alone the meditative mind acts.

 

from Meditations by J. Krishnamurti

*

 

(Here are a few of Michel Deforge’s many meditations from December:)

 

December 2  #47  The Mind of Enlightenment

 

It is amazing what a few days of not mindfully breathing, or purpose (practicing) can do to my mental state—more mercurial and more affected by influences. (grrr) It’s my own doing. I can’t blame anyone. Maybe…I can just relax, breathe; and let it be what it is…? (Breathing…) How funny. Today is about bodhichitta and a “goal” of practice—to, ultimately, be able to aid/relieve the suffering of others. Wow! It’s funny because I see myself, right now, being very deep in my own mud/suffering. Getting better, or anything positive, is so far from my experience of now. And, forget about being of help or benefit …Yet, even now, I may learn, and from my learning, another may derive a benefit. If I waste my “now” on later—how/if I’ll be anything—then I’ll miss my lesson on how perfect today’s “mud”-bath really is. (I don’t know why I’m “in” mud today. It’s a metaphor for suffering, being human—made of the same mud as all other humans.) Even when I don’t “like” my now, it really is perfect. Now, where’s my snorkel? I think I lost a shoe! Oh well. It’s perfectly placed for now. (Better?) (Yes!)

 

December 3  #48  Enjoy a Moment of Nothing

 

(Taking a moment…) This is the essence of Buddhism, for me. To sit and enjoy doing “nothing.” But, it’s not nothing—(I’m channeling my inner Pooh Bear)—it’s a very wonderful something. It’s sitting. It’s being. It’s breathing. It’s often mind wandering and coming back; then wandering off again. It’s learning to enjoy me, now, in this moment. Breathing and existing (being) in a mindful moment/experience of each now, as the moments pass. Enjoying nothing can allow all the moments of something a little more presence and mindful enjoyability, if I want.

 

December 7  #49  What is a Leaf?

 

Thây points out how everything, including me and you, is made from other things. A leaf is composed of so many things, and so many things were critical to the growth of a particular leaf. Life is interdependent. When some say, “We’re all in this together,” I believe this is a deeper meaning behind a rallying cry for some cause. We do all exist in the same world. We share the same air, the same soil, the same clouds, rain, etc. We’re all made of the same elements—reduced to base elements, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, etc. With so much sameness, how can I accept you as different from me? I do…

 

This is where I see the ego come in. Something tells me that I am special, unique, and unlike everyone and everything else; that there’s no connection whatsoever to anything or anyone else. Yet, if I take away all the parts of me (good or bad) that come from someone else or something else, “I” cease to exist entirely. Without you, there is no me: both in the realm of duality and, also, in the realm of inter-dependence. “I” also can’t continue to exist (survive) without “you.” Too often I attempt to behave as if I am all that is. I think that it is only when I embrace otherness (or others) that I truly begin to live. This is not easy. It requires compassion for weaknesses, mine too. It requires seeing “other” as same—not different or separate from.

 

Here on paper it is so easy to lay out, contemplate and visualize. In the realm of action/reaction (reality?)—ego, fear, duality, separateness—disconnect happens. I become guarded from you, forgetting how much I need each and every other “you” out there, so “I” can survive too. That’s my journey: finding my way to compassion, vulnerability and interdependence (not co-dependence…).

 

December 10  #51  Subtle Gestures

 

I find myself slowing down while reading and snacking—mindlessly. Yet, as I read, and felt my breath I un-deliberately (un-intentionally) slowed down and savored my moments… The sensations aren’t profound, but noticing them seems slightly so. That’s kinda neat; catching all the subtleties, flavor, muscles working, crunching, tasting, breathing, hearing…and then…like that *! (snap) It’s all over. I often find that life’s “best” moments come from those subtle gestures, and they’re often done without guile or deliberateness—they have intent of kindness, but it is a life state not as much as an effort to set out to do a kind act. Words fail to describe ideas fully, the thought carries on all the same.

 

December 16  #54  Rites of Life

 

….I have experienced a few of those key moments—ones where flow happened, or where I was perfectly attuned (although I do not recall them, due to lacking focused awareness.) I imagine that by having awareness I could experience the moments completely as they exist in time—maybe learn a lesson of life from the moment, create a deep etched memory, or simply exist in the perfection of that moment, watching as it passes to the next perfect moment—maybe even departing from “time.”

 

Is life a string of moments haphazardly strung together with no rhyme or reasoning? Can there be more than that, accessed by simply being mindful and aware? I don’t think it needs to be a BIG production, or some fantastic event(s). I like the idea of simple awareness, exercised through each moment—not just on the cushion….

 

—Michel Deforge

*

 

#314  Melt the Ice of Knowledge

 

Often in my experience of living in prison there have been “rules” or “discriminating views” on this or that person. There is an atmospheric influence that enforces racial segregation and fuels hate amongst others. It’s follow the rules, or the road. (As of late, the Road is wide open and lovely. Join me?) Harboring one train of thought as truth, and not having an open heart and open mind, blurs the hidden beauty of truth in others—obstructed by societal upbringings, social media, and other major influences. Abandonment of views, or opinions, is an ice pick of relief, chipping away the cold ice of hate, oppression, single-mindedness, and when you can finally free yourself from the icy blur of lies and deceit, you will find that what you thought was truth was an obstacle holding you from seeing the beauty in the soul of everyone/everything. Having an open heart, open mind, and leaving the views you’ve been taught, you will learn so much, and be able to see life, and live life, with deeper meaning, and understanding.

 

I send all the Open Road/M & M family and the world Peace Love Happiness and Good Vibes. You all are beautiful and deserve the most!

 

Till next time

 

Jake Green

*

 

Phone Call to Ancient Times 

 

Out on the lawn, under the aspen tree

where I can get good cell reception, 

I took a call from Johnny, who began 

telling about a friend in prison, in

the hole again for some infraction,

and I stood so still, listening, from

the blackberry thicket a rabbit

crept under the fence to nibble grass

at my feet, a lolloping fist of fur 

with whiskers and little ears, with 

an inquisitive tremble, amiable ghost 

from the lost world we shared 

when there was enough for all.

 

—Kim Stafford

*

 

I have some thoughts about the “perfect moments” Michel wrote about in his meditations on December 14th and 16th. He mentioned slowing down. I have found that when I’m preparing a meal, if, instead of doing it fast, I slow down, I get great pleasure from cutting the vegetables. This is true for eating the meal, doing the dishes—for any activity, even walking across the room.

 

Joseph Campbell and many others say that eternity is not a long time, it’s timelessness. We have all experienced countless perfect moments. We don’t remember most of them because they leave no trace. It’s not a problem. We don’t need to remember them. The next one is coming soon. Maybe this is it.

 

—Johnny Stallings

*

 

#361: Offering Flowers to the Buddha

 

This is about impermanence and how we should and should not view it. Impermanence is constant. Often viewed as negative, as decay and death, as loss, and T N Hanh tells us we should enjoy things in their present moment instead of bemoaning their impermanence.

 

Agreed. But I take it a step further. Impermanence is death in one sense, but also seeds of life in another. Let’s look at nature, my favorite example for everything.

 

Most people see spring as birth, rebirth, life, growth; summer as lushness, abundance, profusion, light, sun…life. 

 

They tend to view fall as one of dying, decay, shutting down, going dark. And winter? Ah, the ultimate death: dark, cold, still…hibernation (from hibernus, Latin for wintry. And  ‘hiver,’ French for winter, etc.)

 

But when fall comes, I feel most alive, alert, sharp, eager, ready to get-to-work. Nature agrees: bushy, brilliant trees shed their leaves exposing lean, bare, shining, black limbs, looking like they’ve pushed up their sleeves to get ready to work. Their lean or muscular trunks stand sturdily in agreement. And now, without all that busy foliage, we have views beyond, to the hills, the sky. Views ahead. And what lies ahead? More life! Bare limbs, branches, and twigs house and host hundred of birds, perching, hopping about, twittering, swooping down to fetch seeds, insects, worms… Worms! What’s going on in all those fallen leaves, anyway? Life, in the form of worms! Millions of dark red, wriggling creatures burrowing, chomping, aerating their way into and through piles of leaves. Creating mulch! And mulch = life! My garden loves that decayed, death-like stuff. It eats it up! It brings me the biggest, leafiest, fattest, brightest vegetables you can imagine. 

 

What else is happening when all the extravagance of spring and summer is gone? I’ll tell you what: Fungi, that’s what! 

 

Whoa, that creepy, sneaky dark stuff that smells funky and looks weird? You bet! 

 

Mushrooms, lichens, molds, all sorts of fungi = Life! Look at bread, wine, beer, cheese. All created with the indispensable help of fungi. (And what’s pizza without mushrooms, anyway?) And look at penicillin and other antibiotics; ergot, or LSD; fungi chemicals that produce statins! Life savers! 

 

Finally, is winter really death-like? Is it the end of life? Well, are we dead when we sleep each night? Of course not. A good night’s sleep is purely restorative, and a good winter is nothing less. Can you imagine never sleeping but just going full-bore 24/7? Day in/day out, year in/year out? You wouldn’t make it past day two or three. Seasons are nature’s parallel; fall and winter are rest and sleep, but always with restoration and life at the core.

 

And then we die. Is that the end of it all? Not on your life! I will be cremated and my daughter knows just which mountain wildflower  meadow to scatter me in. I will be bone meal for the Avalanche lilies, the valerian, the paintbrush, and they will love me for the strength and life I’ve brought to them.

 

So (really) finally, all these things produced by the ostensible death of stuff are nothing less that LIFE for the world. 

 

—Jude Russell (alive and well)

*

 

The Hsin Hsin Ming reminds me of the Dhammapada, a collection of poetry that summarizes early Buddhist teachings. I find the Dhammapada to be very inspirational.

 

Taking ownership for my biases, I do not understand the representation of Zen Buddhism as it appears in American culture. The Buddha gifted us with clear and concise instructions for training the mind, often referred to as the Noble Eightfold Path. Meditation, lifestyle changes, and challenging our beliefs about “how the world works.” If you read the Buddha’s sermons in a “thematically progressive” order, a very clear instruction manual emerges. Personally, I need that. I’ve never really had a mind for philosophy or theology. But American Zen really advocates this message of “do nothing.” Don’t meditate. Don’t make lifestyle changes. Don’t challenge your beliefs, because all beliefs are false. It is as though the Eightfold Path was completely cancelled out by Zen masters several hundreds of years ago. But I have a friend who ordained and studied at Venerable Thay’s Plum Village, that is a very rigorous study and meditation practice. And people who went to study Chan in China also report: “study and meditation.” I visited a traditional Japanese Zen monastery in Washington, and the monastics there lived and practiced in a very similar manner to the Ajahn Chah monasteries I am familiar with. So, my bias, my prejudice, is I don’t understand American Zen. Traditional Zen uses the same meditation “manual” as my Vipassana meditation practice, the Satipatthana Sutta, “The Four Bases of Mindfulness.” Venerable  Thay [Thich Nhat Hanh] is an expert scholar of the Satipatthana Sutta in all of the ancient languages in which it was preserved, and I have a lot of respect for his teaching. End of the day, “their” practices are more similar than dissimilar to what I’m familiar with.

 

—Shad Alexander

*

 

Thank you Thich Nhat Hanh, Johnny Stallings

and your wonderful friends! 

 

I am here

I see (or hear or touch) some thing

I know it 

Yes (tiny smile) I am meditating

My knowing it

My seeing

and my being here

are somehow 

related Yes (chuckle to myself) I am ok

somehow divisions

are eased

can I “feel”

how you also

are breathing

can I deeply 

understand

that the 

water from a

cloud

is my relation?

the light and gray

colors from

that cloud

come all the

way here

luminous here

can these hard

lines

these

seeming forever

walls

be continually

“eased” “understood”

“held” like a child

I am dissatisfied

crying inside like

a wailing child

or a crazy politician

can I remember

what I said

above

I am here

my fear my dissatisfaction

is here also

but I am holding (embracing) it

like my own mother

like my own niece

like my own beloved lover

I am not

killing my fear my dissatisfaction

my crying child

I am embracing them

breathing a long side

belly and fear

are not unrelated

are they?

Forever

smile

laugh (to yourself – don’t let them

know you are crazy)

I can even

start to

think of your

breathing your

thinking

your pain

as my relation

although these sentences are calming

can you

sit here

for a few seconds

or a short time

without reading

these sentences

just sit here

with the satisfaction

breathing

then with the dissatisfaction

breathing

the pain of the

world is also

yours

smile you are Good

continue forever

make up your

own writing your own

song of the open

let it in form us and

you

how to dance our

loving meditating 

 

—Alan Benditt 

(roughly November 14, 2020)