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DTSTART;VALUE=DATE:20200326
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SUMMARY:peace\, love & happiness humor issue 3/26 - 4/1
DESCRIPTION:THE OPEN ROAD \npeace\, love & happiness newsletter \nMarch 26\, 2020 \nThe Humor Issue \n  \nNever criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. \nThat way\, when you criticize them\, you’ll be a mile away\, and you’ll have their shoes. \n  \nWhat do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? \nSame middle name. \n  \nWhat did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? \nClose the door\, I’m dressing. \n  \nAnd God said to John\, “Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.” \nBut John came fifth and won a toaster. \n  \nI want to die peacefully in my sleep\, like my grandfather did. \nNot screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. \n  \nTwo cows are grazing in a field. One cow says to the other\, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?” \nThe other cow says\, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter.” \n  \nI told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. \nHe told me to stop going to those places. \n  \nI was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. \nThen it hit me. \n  \nTwo windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks\, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” \nThe other says\, “I’m a big metal fan.” \n  \nIs it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? \nI don’t know and I don’t really care. \n  \nThey all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. \nWell\, they’re not laughing now! \n—stolen from the Internet by Johnny \n  \nClams never give any money to charity… \nthey’re shellfish. \n  \nMoth goes to a podiatrist. He tells the podiatrist\, “I got depressed after I lost my job. Started drinkin’. My wife left me. My kids hate me. My life feels empty and meaningless…” \nThe podiatrist interrupted him. “I think maybe you want to see a psychiatrist. Why did you come to me?” \n“The light was on.” \n  \nHow many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? \nTwo. One to screw it in. One not to screw it in. \n  \nHow many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? \nBlue giraffe in a red bathtub. \n  \nA favorite from my childhood… \nKnock\, knock. \nWho’s there? \nDwayne. \nDwayne who? \nDwayne the bathtub\, I’m dwowning. \n  \nAnd perhaps the greatest joke of all time… \nGuess what? \nChicken butt. \n—Johnny Stallings \n  \nThree sisters were growing old together\, and one evening the oldest was just stepping into the bath when when she called out\, “Was I just stepping into the bath\, or stepping out of the bath?” The middle sister started up the stairs to help\, but paused halfway and said aloud\, “Was I going up the stairs\, or down the stairs?” The youngest sister\, in the kitchen below\, said to herself\, “I hope I never get so forgetful–knock on wood…Someone’s at the door–I’ll get it!” \n—Kim Stafford \n* \nA priest\, a Rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.  \n“What is this\,” says the bartender\, “some kind of joke?” \n  \nSo…a guy goes to his doctor. After the exam the doc says\, “Well\, I’d like to send you to a specialist\, I think your hearing may be going.”  \n“No\,” the guy says\, “my hearing is fine\, but you know\, Doc\, now that you mention it\, I think my wife may be having trouble with her hearing\, but she won’t have it checked. What should I do?” \n“Well\,” says the Doc\, “why don’t you figure out a way to test her hearing at home?” \nSo the guy goes home that night. He opens the front door and he can see\, through the living room\, his wife at the kitchen sink with her back toward him. \n“Honey\,” he calls out\, “What’s for dinner?” \nNo answer. \nSo he walks into the living room\, and calls again\, “Honey\, what’s for dinner?” \nNo answer. \nSo he walks into the kitchen\, puts his hands on her shoulders and asks into her ear\, “Honey\, what’s for dinner?” \nShe turns her face up to his and says\, “For the third time\, chicken.” \n—Ken Margolis \n* \nQ:   Why couldn’t the teddy bear have any dessert? \nA:   Because he was already stuffed !                  \nlove & giggles\,       \n—“Grandpa Bill” Faricy \n* \nWhy didn’t the invisible man take the job?  \nBecause he just couldn’t see himself doing it. \n  \nWhy didn’t the chicken cross the road?   \nBecause he was sick and tired of always having his motivations questioned. \n  \nWhy did the chicken the road?   \nBecause his father was a brutal alcoholic.   \n  \nWhat did the buffalo say to his son when he left home?   \nBison \n  \nWhat’s black and white and green…black and white and green….black and white and green?  \n Two zebras fighting over a pickle.  \n—Will Hornyak \n* \nThanks to Deborah Buchanan for recommending Charlie Chaplin. Here’s a link to The Rink: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eelQxCpLa4 \nMy dad once said to me: “John\, if anyone says you’re a wit\, they’d be half right.” \nSo much for now. \n  \nMay all people be happy! \n  \n–Johnny
URL:https://openroadpdx.com/event/peace-love-happiness-humor-issue-3-26-4-1/
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DTSTART;VALUE=DATE:20200402
DTEND;VALUE=DATE:20200409
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SUMMARY:peace\, love & happiness newsletter 4/2/20 - 4/8/20
DESCRIPTION:THE OPEN ROAD \npeace\, love & happiness newsletter \nApril 2\, 2020 \n  \nDid you guess the celestial laws are yet to be work’d over and rectified?…. \nThis minute that comes to me over the past decillions\, \nThere is no better than it and now. \n  \n—Walt Whitman\, from “Song of Myself” \n* \n  \nDear Friends of The Open Road \n  \nHere’s a link to a song from Mexico that should perk you up\, “Mexico Lindo y Querido”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvDdtEVAo-U. \n* \n  \nOut breath \nand in breath— \nknow that they are \nproof that the world \nis inexhaustible. \n  \n—Ryokan   (1758-1831) \n(translated by Kazuaki Tanahashi) \n* \n  \nsweet spring is your \ntime is my time is our \ntime for springtime is lovetime \nand viva sweet love \n  \n(all the merry little birds are \nflying in the floating in the \nvery spirits singing in \nare winging in the blossoming) \n  \nlovers go and lovers come \nawandering awondering \nbut any two are perfectly \nalone there’s nobody else alive \n  \n(such a sky and such a sun \ni never knew and neither did you \nand everybody never breathed \nquite so many kinds of yes) \n  \nnot a tree can count his leaves \neach herself by opening \nbut shining who by thousands mean \nonly one amazing thing \n  \n(secretly adoring shyly \ntiny winging darting floating \nmerry in the blossoming \nalways joyful selves are singing) \n  \nsweet spring is your \ntime is my time is our \ntime for springtime is lovetime \nand viva sweet love \n  \ne. e. cummings \n* \nIn 1952 and 1953\, E. E. Cummings gave six nonlectures at Harvard University. They are collected in a wonderful book called i: six nonlectures. At the end of each nonlecture he recited some of his favorite poems by other poets. After the second\, the theme was “Spring\,” including this song from Shakespeare’s “As You Like It”: \n  \nIt was a lover and his lass\, \n   With a hey\, and a ho\, and a hey nonino\, \nThat o’er the green cornfield did pass\, \n   In springtime\, the only pretty ring time\,  \nWhen birds do sing\, hey ding a ding\, ding;  \nSweet lovers love the spring. \n  \nBetween the acres of the rye\, \n   With a hey\, and a ho\, and a hey nonino\, \nThose pretty country folks would lie\, \n   In springtime\, the only pretty ring time\,  \nWhen birds do sing\, hey ding a ding\, ding;  \nSweet lovers love the spring. \n  \nThis carol they began that hour\, \n   With a hey\, and a ho\, and a hey nonino\, \nHow that a life was but a flower \n   In springtime\, the only pretty ring time\,  \nWhen birds do sing\, hey ding a ding\, ding;  \nSweet lovers love the spring. \n  \nAnd therefore take the present time\, \n   With a hey\, and a ho\, and a hey nonino\, \nFor love is crownèd with the prime \n   In springtime\, the only pretty ring time\,  \nWhen birds do sing\, hey ding a ding\, ding;  \nSweet lovers love the spring. \n  \n(word note: in the last verse\, the word “prime” means “Spring”) \n  \nDennis Wiancko sent me a link to a short film featuring Time Person of the Year for 2019\, Greta Thunberg: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q0xUXo2zEY. \n  \nThere are ideas about how to nurtures culture and community without gathering together at The Open Road website (openroadpdx.org). Have a look! \n  \nThat’s it from me (Johnny) for this issue. \n* \n  \nHere are two poems from Kim Stafford: \n  \nFrom the Train  \n  \nBelow the tracks\, beyond \nthe chain-link fence topped \nwith rusted barbwire\, out \non the floodplain where \nlike my battered spirit \nevery forsaken surface \nof shattered wall or car \ncarcass is festooned with \ngraffiti in a riot swirl \nof color code\, and brambles \nswarm over heaps of debris — \npurple flowers are falling \nfrom the smoldering jacaranda \nsurging beauty from earth\, \nbillowing blossoms\, \nutterly failing to take \na realistic view. \n  \n  \nDennis Takes Us to the Old Trees  \n  \nSometimes it takes a miracle of misfortunes \nto make a beautiful life — earthquake\, hurricane\, \nwar. Sometimes the story\, told right\, can turn  \nhardship inside out\, and show tough beauty \nyet. When the fire came roaring up the ridge\, \nDennis said\, as we stepped the path down  \ninto the ravine that saved the old ones\,  \nit crested and swept west\, taking the tops \nof these few ancient firs\, and left them  \nin austere majesty\, their proof of pluck \na candelabra of tangled limbs high \nin silhouette\, looming where we lean back  \nto gaze up and wonder how we might \nbe marked by hurt but still stand like that\, \nlast of our kind\, telling the children:  \nIf you must live through fire\, be with \nyour own grove of sturdy companions \ngazing up\, after\, at the far stars.  \n  \n—Kim Stafford \n* \n  \nKen Margolis reminded me of this great Neruda poem. \n  \nI ask for silence \n  \nNow\, let’s count to twelve \nand all be quiet. \n  \nFor one time on this earth \nlet’s not speak in any language; \nlet’s stop for one second\, \nand not move our arms so much. \n  \nIt would be a fragrant moment\, \nwithout haste\, without locomotives; \nwe would all be together \nin an awkward instant. \n  \nFishermen in the cold sea \nwould not harm whales \nand the man gathering salt \nwould look at his raw hands. \n  \nThose who prepare green wars\, \nwars of gas\, wars of fire\, \nvictories without survivors\, \nwould put on clean clothes \nand walk along in the shade \nwith their brothers\, \ndoing nothing. \n  \nWhat I want shouldn’t be confused \nwith total inactivity. \nLife is what’s happening! \nI want nothing to do with death. \nIf we weren’t so unanimous \nabout keeping our lives moving\, \nand for once could do nothing\, \nmaybe a vast silence \nwould interrupt this sadness\, \nthis never understanding ourselves \nand threatening ourselves with death. \nMaybe the earth is teaching us— \nwhen everything seems dead \nand later everything is alive. \n  \nNow I will count to twelve \nand you be quiet\, and I will go. \n  \n—Pablo Neruda
URL:https://openroadpdx.com/event/peace-love-happiness-newsletter-4-2-20-4-8-20/
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