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SUMMARY:Meditation & Mindfulness Dialogue  6/15/22
DESCRIPTION:Photo by Kim Stafford \n  \n  \n  \nOpen Road Meditation & Mindfulness Dialogue \n  \n June 15\, 2022 \n  \nFor long years a bird in a cage; \nNow\, flying along with the clouds of heaven. \n  \n(quoted by R. H. Blyth\, in Zen in English Literature and Oriental Classics\, p. 37) \n* \n  \nBuddha nature \nnot \na gift \nfrom \nBuddha \nbut \nfrom \nnature. \n  \n—Alice Walker\, from A Poem Traveled Down My Arm \n* \n  \nJoseph Campbell quotes from Ulysses and then provides a brief commentary: \n  \n“Any object\, intensely regarded\, may be a gate of access to the incorruptible eon of the gods.” \n  \nI mentioned this basic theme before with respect to the esthetic experience. Any object can open back to the mystery of the universe. You can take any object whatsoever—a stick or stone\, a dog or a child—draw a ring around it so that it is seen as separate from everything else\, and thus contemplate it in its mystery aspect—the aspect of the mystery of its being\, which is the mystery of all being—and it will have there and then become a proper object of worshipful regard. So\, any object can become an adequate base for meditation\, since the whole mystery of man and of nature and of everything else is in any object that you want to regard. This idea\, the anagogical inspiration of Joyce’s art\, is what we are getting in this little moment. \n  \n—Joseph Campbell\, from Mythic Worlds\, Modern Words: On the Art of James Joyce\, p. 130. \n* \n  \nKatie sent this: \n  \n”Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love\, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment\, it is as perennial as the grass.” \n  \n—Max Ehrmann\, 1872 – 1945 \n* \n  \nWell\, it’s a beautiful morning here. The sky is full of massive cumulonimbus. The wind pushes them at an amazing speed. On the big grass-covered hill the wind blows the tall grass in waves and swirls\, which makes it possible to truly see the shape and living being of the wind & how it kisses the Earth. To be allowed to partake in the beauty of life\, in the simple rite of nature & to view “life” is a gift. I know that it’s not always an easy place\, this world we live in. All we can do\, any of us\, is to live as best we as we can & don’t pass up the small moments of peace\, or the deep breaths of life’s beauty that is alive all around us. How we view life in our mind reflects in the actions of our hearts\, which are the paint brushes we use to allow others to truly see who we are. It’s the actions in deeds & words & the intent in our beings that either bind us to others or pull us apart. \n  \nThe rays of the sun are exploding through one of the massive clouds…such beauty…it can never belong to just one being\, it belongs to us all. \n  \n—Rocky Hutchinson (5/23/22) \n* \n  \nThis is from Nicole Rush: \n  \nAutobiography in Five Short Chapters\, by Portia Nelson \n  \nChapter 1 \n  \nI walk down the street\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in.\nI am lost.\nI am hopeless.\nIt isn’t my fault.\nIt takes forever to find a way out. \n  \nChapter 2 \n  \nI walk down the same street.\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it.\nI fall in again.\nI can’t believe I’m in the same place. But it isn’t my fault.\nIt still takes a long time to get out. \n  \nChapter 3 \n  \nI walk down the same street.\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there.\nI still fall in.\nIt’s a habit.\nMy eyes are open.\nI know where I am.\nIt is my fault.\nI get out immediately. \n  \nChapter 4 \n  \nI walk down the same street.\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. \n  \nChapter 5 \n  \nI walk down another street. \n  \nI have spent a lot of my life stuck somewhere in Chapters 1 – 4. Sometimes I really just didn’t see the hole. Perhaps I was distracted. Maybe I’m just clumsy\, tripped and fell in. Or maybe it felt exciting to always be falling in and figuring a way out. Maybe it kept me from walking where I knew I should but was afraid to go.  \n  \nI was in an intensely emotional and complex relationship with my ex-husband for 21 years. There were moments I saw him in the hole and willingly climbed in just so I could be with him. Other times I saw him in there and felt thankful to be on the other side\, standing alone. And I left him there. And other times we fell in the hole together. Sometimes I was stuck down there hoping he’d hear me calling out\, wanting to be rescued\, but he couldn’t save me because I had pushed him in a different hole. He was stuck\, too\, calling out for me. And I pretended not to hear him. Then we both climbed out but we were on different sides of the street\, walking in different directions.  \n  \nThe choice was always there. I suppose sometimes I close my eyes because walking inside of the dream feels easier than being present. But when my eyes are open I see that I have a choice. I see the path I am meant to walk down\, even if it isn’t the one I am used to.  \n  \nToday I am walking down a new street. I have a vague idea where I’m going but if I don’t make it there\, I know it’ll be okay. I’m paying attention to each step I take. I’m looking out for the holes. When I see one\, I know I can leap over or turn onto a new street.  \n  \nMindfulness is like spectacles for our consciousness. Sitting in stillness\, welcoming where we are\, wherever we are\, allows us to access the clarity to witness ourselves. There’s no use in judging ourselves for being in a hole – what good does that do? It certainly doesn’t make the hole go away or help us climb out. When we see ourselves from a place of compassion we can then reach inside and touch the wisdom that is always resting there. That wisdom and awareness is what shows us when it’s time to turn the corner. \n  \nIn gratitude \n  \n—Nicole Rush \n* \n  \n(This is from Alice Walker’s book The Cushion in the Road) (JS): \n  \nLife Lessons: Gratitude Is My Only Prayer \n  \nJuly 27\, 2011 \n  \nMany years ago I was drubbed by a mysterious illness (later self-diagnosed as Lyme disease) that brought me to my knees. At the same time critics pilloried me: my work\, it appeared\, severely offended them. Moreover\, my love life crashed around my feet. Still\, one day\, after years of being under a cloud of sickness and censor\, I realized I was not only rising from my ashes\, but shining. From that time to this I’ve lost the need for lengthy prayers. I have only one\, but it is constant. Thank you\, I say\, before eating\, working\, moving. Loving. Thank you. It is enough. \n  \nThese are other “life lessons” that have helped clear my path. \n  \n   If you love doing it\, it isn’t “work.” \n  \nI have written over thirty books\, yet looking back I hardly remember the work it took to create them because I enjoyed writing them so much. It’s the same with everything: I can spend two hours grubbing about in my garden\, dazed with pleasure and intent\, and it feels like five minutes. Therefore\, before I embark on any new venture\, I ask myself: will the joy of doing this make me lose track of any concern for time? If the answer is yes\, I proceed! \n  \n   A bad mood is temporary. So is depression. \n  \nI learned this when I was much younger. I used to be depressed quite often\, a chemical imbalance made intolerable by my monthly cycle. I used to want to do away with myself. Somehow I managed to keep a journal during these periods\, tracking every weird turn in my emotional life. Over months—possibly years—I discerned something quite interesting: my moods and depressions had a beginning\, middle and end. Aha\, I thought\, I need only learn to witness them and wait them out. This I began to do until\, by my thirties\, they were mostly gone. \n  \n   To have peace of mind is to be wealthy. \n   (Also to know when you have enough!) \n  \nWhen I was much younger I thought people were made happy by the things they possessed. I also wanted things. I now have lots of things\, and I enjoy them. But if they were taken away I could still be quite happy\, though I might miss them. I’ve learned that things are not what make happiness\, but rather a calm stability of Being and serenity of spirit. The peace I experience in my own mind is my most prized possession. \n  \n   Love everyone and everything you can! \n   (They don’t even have to know about it.) \n  \nI used to think the most important thing about love was to receive it. Now I understand it is more important to feel it and to give it. That the good feeling we associate with love is generated by us\, not by a lover of us. Their love is very nice\, and I welcome it\, but the feeling of actually generating love within one’s self is so exquisite it almost leaves being loved by another in the dust! My greatest joy comes from loving everything and everyone I can. And it is amazing how big this can get! Daffodils\, coconuts\, frogs\, catamarans\, indie movies\, dogs\, bougainvillea\, tribal art\, snowstorms\, old people\, the Alps\, chickens\, my various “children\,” regardless of what they think of me\, and so on. \n  \n   When in doubt\, find a nice hammock. \n  \nPeople who work hard often work too hard. I’ve learned to take time out and swing in one of the many hammocks I have wherever I live. From a hammock the world seems quite doable\, especially if one is listening to a good audiobook and having lemonade. From my hammock I send out good wishes to all of human- and animal- and plant-kind. May we learn to honor the hammock\, the siesta\, the nap and the pause in all its forms. May peace prevail. \n  \n(This piece was written for a magazine in the Middle East.) \n  \n—Alice Walker \n* \n  \n(My old friend Marc Frank sent me this poem; ruhi ruki rumi is his pen name.) (JS) \n  \nah these words that  \nwant to come out \n  \nwho’s voice speaks \nto utter out things \n  \ni hear the inner voice \nwrite what i tell you ‘write’ \n  \ni listen to the voice within \nout of silence it comes in \n  \ni feel the feeling inside \nsounds in the head reside \n  \nwords come one after another like drops appear \n  \ntake heed take warning \ntimes are more than changing \n  \ntime to hold onto God \nno matter your thought  \n  \nif Einstein spent the last weeks of his life mathematically wanting  \nto know God’s mind \n  \nwhy wouldn’t you  \nwho comes & goes \n  \nah the intrigue of your game my eye begin to see the joke of all things \n  \n—ruhi ruki rumi \n* \n  \n#358- So Many Reasons to be Happy \n  \n“We have so many reasons to be happy. The earth is filled with love for us\, and patience. Whenever she sees us suffering\, she will protect us. With the earth as a refuge\, we need not be afraid of anything\, even dying. Walking mindfully on the earth\, we are nourished by the trees\, the bushes \, the flowers\, and the sunshine. Touching the earth is a very deep practice that can restore our peace and our joy.”  \n  \n(from Your True Home by Thich Nhat Hanh) \n  \n…and nourished by the creatures therein\, as well. In prison\, men have infrequent opportunities to experience or interact with nature. I\, on the other hand\, am constantly living in and relating to nature. Because it is such an integral part of me\, I find that I always want to bring some experience into our discussion in the dialogue group; I am hesitant\, however\, because of the enforced paucity of nature in their daily lives of incarceration.  \n  \nBut they find a way. Five years or so ago\, an inmate described an experience that got him out of a cycle of anger\, depression\, and repeated solitary confinement in ‘the hole.’ He was in for murder and life without parole. One day while in ‘the hole\,’ he discovered a praying mantis on the floor in a corner. He was going to step on it\, crush it with his shoe\, but stopped when he noticed the mantis’ legs sawing away. He sat down and watched the mantis’ movements with fascination. When his lunch came\, he tore off a piece of lettuce and placed it in front of the creature. The mantis devoured it. The inmate continued to feed and observe the activity of the insect—water from a plastic spoon\, other bits of vegetation\, bread crumbs\, dead flies\, etc.  \n  \nWeeks passed\, and months. The mantis stayed alive because of the inmate’s care. They were in ‘the hole’ together for eight months. Over those months\, the inmate’s behavior changed\, softened\, and he realized that he wanted his life to be one of caring and not one of anger and destruction. He was released from segregation and put back into the general prison population\, and eventually was approved to join our group.  \n  \nHe never saw the praying mantis again. His story told us that even a minute connection to nature can change a life\, save a life—of an insect and of a man.  \n  \n—Jude Russell \n* \n  \nThis is one excerpt from the many entries in Michel Deforge’s May meditation journal—inspired by a meditation in Your True Home by Thich Nhat Hanh: \n  \nMay 8\, 2022;  Mother’s Day!;  #281  Loving Words \n  \nThis is so fitting for today. So often it is the mother (or gentle nurturer) who speaks the loving words into our lives as children. For some this didn’t\, or couldn’t\, happen. For others the ideals got warped somehow. BUT\, we are not our past traumas! We can speak these words of love and encouragement into our own lives and the lives of others. When we catch someone doing a kind\, loving\, compassionate deed for any other being we can praise them privately…. \n  \nDo you speak loving words into your life? Does it sound too “weird\,” too touchy-feely (for a men’s prison—or other environ)? I get it. I’m not experienced at this either. Ponder the words you long to hear from your own mother (or surrogate)\, or father—the words rarely\, if ever\, spoken to/about you. Let go of feelings and recriminations\, guessing why these words went unsaid\, and focus on what you want to hear. Now speak those words to yourself—words of love\, compassion\, approval\, admiration\, support\, encouragement\, recognition of success\, pick-me-ups for sadness or “failure.” \n  \nWe all know the words we want and need to hear. We might even speak some to our friends\, family and loved ones; they likely need this as much as any of us. Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be the only day to celebrate our own mothers—as Carl is fond of observing—we just need to celebrate the people in our lives whom we love when it occurs to us. (This may take some effort to occur more than rarely\, but it can be done.) \n  \nI don’t know why I’ve delayed telling my friends that “I like you\,” and give a reason why\, so it’s not just patronizingly said for the sake of saying it. Yet\, I do put it off. Could it be the rare chance encounters with not enough time for meaningful speech? Probably. Must we wave and scurry on our way? Always?! What happens to my life if I write a letter\, or slow down and really greet a friend—looking him in the eyes and saying some loving words I genuinely mean? \n  \nI may be delayed a few seconds from an appointment I’m already tardy to attend. What if I never express my joy at seeing someone\, and a tragic event occurs and the opportunity is lost? While in college Psych class\, an exercise demonstrated that regrets are often easily avoided if we can overcome social fears. (We have these barriers among friends? Still?!) Will he reject\, rebuff\, stop liking me\, get weirded out by my affection or kind words…? The internal dialogue of our old neuroses and no-longer-helpful or necessary post-trauma coping skills does not serve our better selves. I don’t know how to surpass these barriers of fear—except through love. The challenge becomes being courageous enough to be first to say\, “I love you\,” “I like you because…\,” “You’re special to me…\,” “You matter in my life…” I think the picture is clear. So…why do I still stand here wanting to speak\, yet stay silent? I’m not alone in this… \n  \n—Michel Deforge \n* \n  \nDear friends\,      \n  \nThis past week\, I drove along the Columbia River all the way to Walla Walla and noticed how the rolling hills of the Gorge are green. I don’t ever remember on our way to Umatilla\, these velvety brown hills ever being tinged with green. But this Spring\, well almost summer\, they are asparagus and sage green\, and they are full of yellow and purple wild flowers.   \n  \nIt was so uplifting and I felt deep gratitude for the long spring rains.   \n  \nWe were not even gone a week\, but on our return our yard looked like a tropical jungle\, the paths barely passable for the giant ferns and drooping maple branches. And the rhododendrons have the biggest red flowers we have ever had in our yard.    \n  \nI paused to think how important it is to have beauty\, abundant nature to quiet our minds to wonder and open our hearts to fearlessness and to soften.    \n  \nIn the mornings since Russia invaded Ukraine\, I join a Shambhala group in Ukraine for morning meditation. The sangha members in Ukraine feel supported by our ongoing presence and help; we foreign participants feel equal support in facing from afar the destruction and fear of the war. So familiar\, this feeling like being together in dialogue or at a play in prison.   \n  \nYesterday\, Slava\, one of the hosts in Ukraine gave his daily check in on how he and his family and town are doing. His bookshelves and Buddhist altar and photos are usually in the background. Like most zoom get togethers look. But yesterday he was outside on his bicycle in the mountains. He had taken a retreat weekend away from the war\, and he said summer had come at last after a cold spring! Just like Portland. He posted a photo that helps him remember his true nature\, calling it our basic goodness. He wanted us to be able to meditate with a picture of Ukraine that is beautiful. From a vast hill full of yellow and pink and white wildflowers the scene swept down to a river valley and mountains jutted up on the other side. It could have been the Columbia gorge.    \n  \nWhat ensued after meditation was a joyous discussion about how regeneration in Spring\, especially the beauty of blossoms\,  is this instant reminder that can help us stay centered and true to ourselves and our Humanity\, no matter how discouraging the news and life can be. A reminder even that it is not us against them\, but a confusing\, political\, global state of affairs.    \n  \nWhen we drove back home through the Gorge we got so happy thinking that in August there will be peaches again near Umatilla at Peach Beach. Hope blossoms! So here are two poems for blossoms to keep our humanity solid and our hearts open to loving life despite the sorrow it can bring: \n  \nHow It Might Continue \n  \nWherever we go\, the chance for joy\, \nwhole orchards of amazement— \n  \none more reason to always travel \nwith our pockets full of exclamation marks\, \n  \nso we might scatter them for others \nlike apple seeds. \n  \nSome will dry out\, some will blow away\, \nbut some will take root \n  \nand grow exuberant groves \nfilled with long thin fruits \n  \nthat resemble one hand clapping— \nso much enthusiasm as they flutter back and forth \n  \nthat although nothing’s heard \nand though nothing’s really changed\, \n  \npeople everywhere for years to come \nwill swear that the world \n  \nis ripe with applause\, will fill \ntheir own pockets with new seeds to scatter. \n  \n—Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer \n* \n  \nFrom Blossoms \n  \nFrom blossoms comes \nthis brown paper bag of peaches \nwe bought from the boy \nat the bend in the road where we turned toward \nsigns painted Peaches. \n  \nFrom laden boughs\, from hands\, \nfrom sweet fellowship in the bins\, \ncomes nectar at the roadside\, succulent \npeaches we devour\, dusty skin and all\, \ncomes the familiar dust of summer\, dust we eat. \n  \nO\, to take what we love inside\, \nto carry within us an orchard\, to eat \nnot only the skin\, but the shade\, \nnot only the sugar\, but the days\, to hold \nthe fruit in our hands\, adore it\, then bite into \nthe round jubilance of peach. \n  \nThere are days we live \nas if death were nowhere \nin the background; from joy \nto joy to joy\, from wing to wing\, \nfrom blossom to blossom to \nimpossible blossom\, to sweet impossible blossom. \n  \nLi-Young Lee \n* \n   \nMay we be at peace\,    \n  \n—Katie Radditz
URL:https://openroadpdx.com/event/meditation-mindfulness-dialogue-6-15-22/
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DTSTART;VALUE=DATE:20220707
DTEND;VALUE=DATE:20220804
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SUMMARY:peace\, love\, happiness & understanding  7/7/22
DESCRIPTION:Bryan Joyner \n  \n  \nTHE OPEN ROAD \npeace\, love\, happiness & understanding \n  \n  \nJuly 7\, 2022 \n  \n(Note to readers: peace\, love\, happiness & understanding is going to be coming out on the first Thursday of every month\, instead of every other Thursday.) \n   \nI met Bryan Joyner at Columbia River Correctional Institution (CRCI)\, in Portland. He came regularly to the weekly “Arts in Prison” group that I facilitated there for a number of years\, through Open Hearts Open Minds (openheartsopenminds.net). He also was an enthusiastic participant in the Music Program that Matt Insley and I started there\, along with Mark Mojdehi and Patrick Seraya. The OHOM’s Music Program is still going strong\, under the guidance of Nate Query\, who is the bass player for the Decemberists. Bryan got out of prison in May of 202O. In cooperation with Superintendant James Hanley at CRCI\, Nate\, Taiyah Marshal and David Pettinger did an extensive interview with Bryan\, which is on YouTube. With Bryan’s permission\, I have transcribed and edited a portion of the interview\, especially for our friends in prison who don’t have access to the Internet. \n  \n  \nInterview With Bryan Joyner \n  \nBryan Joyner.  ….I like authentic music that sounds like itself. I don’t like copycatters\, or people that mimic\, and stuff. I stick to the originals—people that I think have good lifetime in their music\, and make good music that I can relate to. I also listen to a lot of R & B\, a lot of Soul Music\, a lot of Seventies and Eighties. Those are my primary “go to” music to listen to. Gangsta Rap\, that hardcore street stuff\, kind of amplifies some of my negative anti-social behaviors that I don’t agree with anymore. So I don’t like to listen to that stuff\, because that’s what it’s promoting. Whereas\, R & B really makes you get in touch with that other side of yourself—it makes you really realize that love is important—more important than any of this other stuff. And that helps me with my personal point of view. So\, when I’m comin’ at a rhyme\, no matter what it’s about my personal point of view\, I like to be calm. I want to be calm and I want to be grounded. I want to come at it understanding that people are going to listen to this; how is that gonna affect them? That’s important to me\, as far as my presence\, my presentation. \n  \nDavid Pettinger.  That’s really beautiful to hear.  When you talk about love and things like that—when do you find yourself looking for those moments of growth? And seeing that love can be healing? When do you look for it\, and how do you reach levels of personal growth? \n  \nBryan.  Uh\, pain. Pain. When you see pain\, love needs to be administered. When you see suffering\, when you see pain. And pain can be interpreted on the external differently than from the internal. A lot of people can deal with a lot of pain\, can cope—or not necessarily cope well—with a lot of pain. But if you can recognize that someone else is in pain\, then you know that love is needed in that area\, for that person. It probably is just as much needed for yourself in that area\, as well. Self first. So\, if you see pain and then you feel it\, you can empathize with it\, and you can recognize it. That is an area in yourself that you need love at\, too. So\, I think that’s how I recognize it. \n  \nI think by healing the pain in yourself\, you involuntarily give people the permission to heal themselves as well—through the example of how the process works\, and trusting in the process of healing. Because healing don’t happen like a snap of a finger. Man\, it doesn’t. The pain still is there even after you heal. It’s just about really accepting that you can’t change it. And once you can do that\, the process can begin. \n  \nTaiyah Marshal.  I think you touched on something that I think most people just walkin’ around in the world need to tap into\, which is empathy—having real empathy for those who had various different experiences. It’s incredible how disconnected people can be nowadays. You have obviously gone through a lot. How have you reconnected and rounded yourself out? With writing? You say you’re not making music right now. You’re focusing on getting yourself together\, which is completely understandable. How do you tap into that? \n  \nBryan.  Uh\, narcissism is a big aspect of the disconnection that the world is experiencing now. Being in love with things and feelings and thoughts\, versus people. And yourself. The narcissist doesn’t feel what other people feel\, because they’re distracted with their own ego\, and creating a version of themselves that is beyond reality. And it’s just psychological. We all suffer from it\, we all deal with it to a certain extent\, because it’s part of the culture to be self-serving and to be the king in my house. It’s mine. It’s mine\, it’s mine\, it’s mine. Feeling empathy for another person is something that is a natural ability. It’s like breathing. Okay? It is breathing. When we were children we had no other ability than to empathize\, and then cry. The only way a child can protect themselves is through the sense of empathy\, through the sense of feeling\, and hearing\, and sensing danger. ‘Cause there’s no other defense mechanism that a child has. They don’t have claws. They don’t have sharp teeth. They can’t run fast. They’re not that smart. Y’know? There’s no way for them to defend themselves\, except preemptively through empathy. They sense danger\, or they sense safety\, or they sense love.  \n  \nWhen you grow up in a world where everything is dangerous\, or is perceived to be dangerous\, you lose a sense of empathy and feelin’ things out\, and you become more psychological—where things become labels. People become constructs to manipulate like a chess piece\, like a pawn. And this is the type of behavior that is actually encouraged in our society from day one. Honestly. We’re living in a technological world where people don’t have to even see you to talk to you. Look at this! We ain’t even around each other\, havin’ a whole conversation. The disconnect is part of the structure of society that we live in. So\, honestly\, in some way we’re ordered to be a narcissist\, that dog-eat-dog mentality. “I gotta get mine\, even if I gotta take it from you.” These kind of traits are encouraged.  \n  \nAnd loving traits are presented as being weak. Like\, lame. A victim\, y’know. You’re a victim if you care. If you help the old lady across the street. I have always had a sense of empathy\, but once my personality took over\, I was disconnected as well. And being incarcerated\, it was like I was in a bubble. I realized that I am only gonna be able to eat what is in this bubble. So I started reading. I started meditating. I started praying. And what happened was I opened myself up. I opened up my heart chakra by doin’ that. My heart chakra was open and it still is\, to the point where now those things that I used to purposely ignore—the pain from other people\, the suffering—I started to let it in my bubble. And I started to realize there’s a connection we have with everyone that is intrinsic. It’s natural. It’s the same thing as the air that we breathe. We’re all breathin’ the same air. It’s the same. When the sun hits your skin and it hits mine\, we’re both warm. ‘Cause that’s what the sun does. And empathy does that. It’s like a connecting bond that’s invisible. And so\, it’s easy to take for granted because we live in a material world and we praise that materialism\, and it creates a sickness of self-importance\, self-grandiosity\, selfishness\, self-centeredness—that the world revolves around me. And that is a complete disconnect from what’s actually happening\, which is that we all need each other—that the love that I feel for you is the love that I actually have for myself. And that’s why I’m reflecting it off of you. So I think that empathy is very important\, and what I had to do personally to tap into that was to really take a look at myself\, and how I was connecting with people. And I wasn’t connecting with people. I’m a know-it-all. And my personality was in full effect all the time. It’s like an alternate ego. It is an alternate. The ego is alternate from the self. You know what I mean? Bein’ my true self at this point of time in my life…I’m 41. I’ve basically been an egomaniac for 20 of those years—tryin’ to create this version of myself that was strong enough to live in this society. I survived. It did its job\, and now it’s time to go home and allow God to point me in a direction\, to show me the path. Period. \n  \nTaiyah.  First of all\, I just want to commend you for all that self-awareness and self- growth\, to be able to identify that and work on yourself is not an easy thing. You have to kill that ego. And I wish you the best on your journey. \n  \nBryan.  Thank you very much.   \n  \nDavid.  One thing I was curious about is which sources of literature did you find to be the most helpful? \n  \nBryan.  Oh\, my gosh\, I’m glad that you asked me that. This is somethin’ I’ll share for everyone\, and this is somethin’\, I’m tellin’ you bro\, is gonna open you up. Check this out. One of the most inspirational and perception-altering books that I’ve ever read was My Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. He also wrote a book called Ishmael. And these two books together changed my life. Like\, there’s a life before you read the book\, and a life after you read the book. Those two books completely messed me up. It had broke down the mental constructs I had in my mind about what this world is\, and what is intended. Another book that I read that was perspective and mind-altering was A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. He has another one called The Power of Now. They’re basically the same book\, but one gives you the narrative\, without anything—just gives it to you raw. And the other one is coming from a perspective of someone that’s unconscious\, asking questions\, and then the questions being answered by Eckhart Tolle. The material is pretty much the same thing\, but if you’re one of those kind of people that have questions\, The Power of Now is more for you\, and if you’re someone that has already started the journey A New Earth would be easier to read. So\, those four books were entirely transformative for me. The last book I will give you is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. That story is about me. I can literally break down the chapters and the pages where…I’m tellin’ you\, this guy is tellin’ my story\, in a metaphorical way. And right now\, just to compare that story\, I’m at the end\, in Egypt\, gettin’ my ass beat by some guys who are tellin’ me that I’m a fool for bein’ out here lookin’ for a treasure. Right? And what I found was\, the treasure is in me. Okay? That’s the metaphor of all that is that you already have the treasure inside of you. And that just changed the way that I look at everything. Those authors will be the people that I want to talk to personally\, and just thank them for their expression in this world full of evil and hate and misery and suffering. Those are the gems that make life worth livin’ for me. And inside my little bubble\, man\, I just knew that there was a God. I just knew. If there were any doubts in my mind\, there are none now at all. And my ego is in full effect\, pushing everything away from me\, only wanting what it wants\, when it wants it\, how I want it. And you can’t live like that and be at peace. You can’t just use people. You will never be at peace\, ‘cause you gotta do the next thing to keep the manipulation goin’. You’ll never be able to rest\, your soul will never rest. So bein’ in that state of constant high vigilance and constant alert\, it is exhausting. It’s exhausting. Those are the books that really inspired me. Another person that inspires me is Prince. Rest in peace\, The Prince. Shout out for Prince. That man was a genius! He was a genius. He had it. He knew some of the secrets to life. He knew. And I watch documentaries of him and it just blows my mind—the poise\, the knowing that he has. The confidence in knowing those secrets. It just exudes from him in his aura. It’s beautiful. I hope that answers your question. (Laughs.) \n  \nDavid.  In talking about The Alchemist\, it sounds like you feel very seen in that artwork. Is that something that you try to convey to other people through your music or different forms of expression? \n  \nBryan.  Yes and no. There’s a side of me that doesn’t care what people think. I write the music that I like. But then there’s a technical side of me where it’s like: “Okay\, what if somebody else listens to this?” Some of the messages that I implant in my music are personal\, but I’m sayin’ it in a way where somebody else can pick it up\, if they were interested. You can lead a horse to the water\, but you can’t make him drink. And so I put water in it\, but I don’t put the cup in there. \n  \nDavid.  I definitely really respect that approach to things. You’re telling your story\, there are pieces for someone that should they so see fit to find out for themselves\, they can. \n  \nBryan.  Yeah. Absolutely. LOVE\, as an acronym\, is Letting Others Voluntarily Evolve. That’s the greatest kind of love that you can give a person is not to do it for them\, but to allow them to figure it out on their own. And just be there for them when they fall down. Don’t try to prevent their experience. Like a little kid—if you don’t let them fall off their bike\, they won’t grow up to buy a Lamborghini. Or a Buick. Whatever. Whichever they want to go for. But you can’t stop them from having that experience of falling off the bike because they need it in order to grow. And so\, lovin’ someone sometimes is seein’ them feel pain\, and empathizing with them\, listening to what they have to say\, being around them in a physical way\, where you can put your arm around them. Not tellin’ them what to do\, or doin’ it for them\, or givin’ them the money that they need. It’s just really about just bein’ there\, and feelin’ what they feel\, and allowing them to release some of that\, knowing that they connected with another person. And that’s what a narcissist will not do. They will not do that. As soon as they feel something they don’t want to feel—pheew!\, they’re gone. It’s very important to feel those feelings with that person\, and allow bein’ there for them to be how you love ‘em. Empathy is very important\, and it’s comin’ back in style. I’m tellin’ ya! We just gotta keep on doin’ it. It’s gonna come back in style. It’s gonna be jazzy again. \n  \nTaiyah  ….What was the creative process able to look like while you were in? \n  \nBryan.  ….They had the Music Program. That’s where I met Nate at. And Nate brought in  his bass guitar\, and they would play the tunes\, and we would just make up…it would just be like freestyle\, on the fly\, whatever come up\, however your vibe is feelin’. And\, y’know\, I really connected with Nate\, because he’s just sincere. I mean\, it is what it is\, and he’s just authentic and genuine. He doesn’t say much\, but when he’s talkin’ he means it. That was something that I picked up instantly. We were able\, on a musical vibe\, to get to know each other very fast. There’s still a lot I need to learn about him as friends\, but this guy—there’s some things he ain’t got to say that I know. (Laughs.) Nate is amazing! You know what I mean? And I always respected how he found the time to volunteer and bring himself in\, his vibe\, y’know\, his love. Bring in love. That’s basically what it was. And he was showin’ love and he was showin’ a sense of empathy\, and not only feelin’ what we felt\, but allowing us to feel what he felt. That was the most awesome part of it all—was the receiving of genuine love. That was how I perceived it at the time\, and it really was something that I looked forward to every Monday morning\, early. That was a really good experience for me being incarcerated—to have that outlet. That outlet. Outlet. Out let. In a prison\, which is captive\, to have an outlet makes all of the difference of the experience of being incarcerated. Having that outlet. That was the best part. So\, even though I don’t do music in prison\, at that point in time I was doin’ music in prison. It was happenin’. I was just as sharp\, I was just as good. Maybe the content was a little lacking\, because of the confinement mentality. Sometimes that can happen in prison. But all of the swag was there\, the flow was there\, it was all good. You run out of things to talk about sometimes\, but if you’re bein’ honest\, you don’t run out of things to talk about. And live instruments\, for me—it’s like havin’ a conversation. And if you’re bein’ honest\, you can talk about it. If you gotta make it up\, and you gotta think about it—there’s a difference in that. The writing process in prison versus out of prison is completely different. It’s more restrictive in prison. It’s more limited\, as far as influence and subject matter. But it’s pretty much the same as long as you’re being honest. \n  \n….Prison is a business. Okay? It’s a business. They’re not in the business of rehabilitation. They’re in the business of storage. So\, to not rehabilitate somebody is a definite flip—in money. You flip that money if that person goes back out and does the same thing again. That money just got flipped. Okay. You lose money in this business if someone heals themselves. So\, the promotion of healing in any kind of way\, creatively or cognitively\, is very important. It’s crucial\, ‘cause not only does the person suffer\, the community suffers as well. And we’re only as healthy as our sickest part of our community. People on the outside can point their finger and say “those people are bad\,” while they steal from their job every day and get away with it. “Ah\, look at those guys. He’s such and animal.” And she’s cheatin’ on her husband. Prison gives a place where people can point the finger and feel good about themselves that they’re not there\, because they don’t do “those” things. But we’re all connected. So these types of programs\, whether it be music\, art\, poetry\, comedy\, business planning—all of these things are healing tools and they need to be administered to prisons. ‘Cause it’s basically sick in there. \n  \nDavid.  I really appreciate that answer….Are there more things we could be doing to push Columbia River? \n  \nBryan.  Stuff like this. Talkin’ to people that were there\, gaining true insight into the mentality of the participants\, broadcasting it\, getting the footage and showing the community what this is and getting the community support out in any kind of way\, shape or form—from any venue\, any merchant\, any citizen that is willing to participate and support it. Find the guys that were in the program and keep in touch with them. If they have the talent\, if they have the skills\, if they have the desire to better themselves\, keep in touch with them. Pull them into the programs that are facilitating these type of things. Eventually\, I want to get permission to come back in. And once I come back in\, boy\, I’m down to earth. We’re gonna make this happen. If you’re really about that\, I will be able to tell by your energy\, by your vibe. I’m gonna be feelin’ you\, and I’m gonna understand where you’re at\, where you’re comin’ from and\, if there’s somethin’ there\, where you’re goin’. I’m gonna be able to understand that\, and I want to. A lot of the young brothers looked up to me because of my consistency—the fact that I was consistent\, that I wasn’t making up stories\, that it was always like this with me. I would love to participate and join the movement. For real. And I’m still part of the movement. I haven’t been back to prison since. I got myself together. I’ve been on a spiritual journey of really detaching from my past. Attachments! And freeing myself psychologically and emotionally\, so that my spirit can grow.  \n  \nA lot of these guys are on that journey and have no clue. They just have no insight\, or anything to reflect off that that’s what they’re going through. All that they know is that they love music and when they do it they feel free. (Laughs.) That’s all that they know\, so they show up. And that’s the beginning. That’s the beginning of being in connection with God. When you do the thing that you love to do\, you fall into a state of prayer\, a state of connection with God. Because there’s nothin’ else happenin’. The past doesn’t exist. The future is not there. You’re just locked into now—the moment of. And in that moment you are being your true self. There’s no ego there. There’s no constructs. There’s no sense of time. You ain’t worried about no bills. Nothin’ else is happening. And that is like meditation. Music can be a meditative practice.  \n  \nShare with the community. Allow people to experience these individuals that have important places in our society that they’re not allowed…they’re not bein’ able to hone that skill\, that inner peace\, that sense of worth in themselves. And when someone is interested in what you say: “Hey\, we want to give you an interview. We wanna hear what you have to say.” Even for me. I was like\, “For real? You care? You wanna know? What? Me? Me? You wanna know what I think? Wow!” And to be incarcerated\, and have that same type of privilege—that person will walk with their head up high. They’ll know that they have something that they’re connected to\, that they can do good\, that will ultimately give them a sense of self-worth\, of self-importance\, of value. It may be superficial\, in a way\, but just “in a way\,”—not really. If that person is a narcissist\, tryin’ to feed their ego\, it will be superficial. But a person that is really trying to figure out this thing called “life\,” that is like a milestone. That is like a touchdown—in a game that they were losing a hundred to zero. And to walk out of that building with at least seven points feels better than just straight getting skunked. \n  \nTaiyah.  I want to take it back to you\, because you’re on your spiritual journey. I want to hear what are some affirmations\, or practices that you do in your day-to-day\, to stay in the now\, to stay in the present\, and just amplify that positive energy. \n  \nBryan.  I would say: meditation. Meditation\, for me\, is listening—to God. It is when you let your thoughts do what they do\, and don’t hold onto them. You don’t grab one\, and turn it all around and look at it from every angle\, try and dissect it. You just kinda let it go by. And let ‘em all go by\, all of the things\, all of the clutter. It comes to a point where you don’t hear it anymore. I work every day\, and something that I always tell myself is that I gotta do it. I gotta do this for myself. I have to make sure that I’m okay. It’s my responsibility to make sure that I’m okay. And right now I’m understanding the dynamic of my ego versus my soul. And that my persona is not healthy. So\, I’ve been praying a lot. My favorite prayer is: “Thank you\, God. Thank you\, God.” It’s my favorite prayer. It seems to be the simplest prayer\, but it’s more complicated than that—for me. And when the things happen for me that I don’t want to happen\, or that I didn’t expect to happen\, or that I was tryin’ to prevent from happening\, I still say: “Thank you\, God. Thank you. Thank you\, God.” That is an affirmation for myself that has been the balancing factor in my life. And it has taken my spiritual practices at this point of time in my life and allowed them to land on something solid. Whereas\, though\, the void in my heart was…I was just trying to throw everything in there. I threw people in there! I threw my daughter in the void. I threw my girlfriend in the void. I was tryin’ to fill that sucker up with whatever I could get my hands on—whatever I could put in that void to not feel it. And then I realized that the only thing that will close the void is God. That’s the only thing that can fit in there and completely take it away. And that’s an affirmation. Only God can heal me. Only God can fulfill me. Only God can complete me. Only God can make me whole again. Those are affirmations that I believe in\, and I say to myself\, periodically throughout the day\, that allow me to re-calibrate\, to re-focus\, to get back in accordance. Sometimes I’ll be in lapse\, and don’t even know it. I’ll be complaining. I’ll be disgruntled—“Man\, who do you think…? Why would they do that?”—kind of attitude. And then I gotta take a step back and say: “Whoa. Thank you\, God. Just thank you for lettin’ this happen. This is a ‘you’ thing\, not a ‘me’ thing.” And it allows me to let go of psychological\, egotistical\, narcissistic control of trying to make things what I want them to be versus what they are—and what they will be\, naturally.  \n  \nFor example\, I’m at a homeless shelter\, and I’m on the bottom bunk\, and this other guy needs the bottom bunk. Now\, I’m six-two\, two hundred and forty pounds; what the hell I look like climbing up a goddam bunk on the top? Right? But this guy needed it. And so\, instead of me complaining and manipulating the situation to where I keep the bottom bunk\, I just said\, “You know what? Let him have it.” Y’know? “Thank you\, God. Thank you God for whatever this is about. Thank you.” And I was able to let that go. But\, ironically enough\, I needed to get around to a couple places because I don’t have a car\, and this guy was like\, “I’ll take you.” (Laughs.) What a coincidink! You know what I’m sayin’? But it’s not. It’s life! It’s not a reward\, it’s not special\, it’s not magic—that’s the way God works. And sometimes we block our own blessings by trying to make it what we want it to be versus what it actually is.  \n  \nSo\, writing\, meditating\, praying\, reading are daily practices. Listening to music. I love R & B and stuff like that. If there’s somethin’ new and hot\, I’m on it\, I’m lookin’ for it. My day-to-day just consists of praying\, meditating\, and focusing on the next thing to do by writing it down. And reading the literature that I need to read to understand what I need to do next—stuff like that. It’s really simple. It’s complicated to some. They just don’t want to do it. It’s hard to stay focused on one thing too long. For me\, it’s just about bein’ humble\, man\, just appreciating life for what it is right now. Going day by day and just be the best me I can be right now. And stayin’ in that energy as long as I can before that other energy pop up\, like: “What they think they lookin’ at? Who do they think they are?” I still got that in me. I think we all do at some point in time\, but for me it’s about keepin’ that guy in check. And also loving that side of myself\, so that I can heal. We got a side of ourself that we really don’t show everybody\, because we don’t like it. We keep it to ourselves. And after a while that water gets stagnant\, and the mosquitos start coming\, and it gets all infested and nasty inside of ourselves. We’re 90% water\, so we have to have a constant influx and flow of energy inside of us to go out. We have to have those outlets that mean something to us\, that are actually outlets. Because meditation might be an outlet to me\, and to the next person it’s not. But I know that meditation is definitely healthy\, that’s somethin’ I can bank on\, that’s going to be 100% good for me. You can never meditate too much. Meditating\, sitting in one spot\, letting your thoughts go by\, and tryin’ to listen to what God got to tell you. I mean\, sounds legit to me\, so that’s what I do. (Laughs.) \n  \nDavid.  That’s really beautiful to hear. I really have been enjoying this conversation. I feel like there’s a lot of things that\, as a society\, we need to hear. And I feel a lot of this is resonant to me\, like your spiritual journey. If feels very healing and good to hear—sharing all these things. \n  \nBryan.  Thank you\, guys. \n  \nNate.  Bryan\, I’m still here too\, and\, man\, I really appreciate you goin’ deep on everything you have to offer. You’ve really given me a lot to think about and I really appreciate your doing this. \n  \nBryan.  Thank you\, bro. I really appreciate you inviting me in. It’s been a pleasure. There was nothin’ that I said that I felt embarrassed about\, or apprehensive. I just told the truth. I just told you what I know. Sometimes I felt like I was going a little bit off track\, I just tried to dial it back and bring it back home. \n  \nNate.  Nah\, man\, you’re good. \n  \nBryan.  Thank you\, brother. I appreciate you\, man. \n  \n  \nThe full interview is on YouTube: \n  \n  \n \n  \n \n  \npeace & love \nJohnny
URL:https://openroadpdx.com/event/peace-love-happiness-understanding-7-7-22/
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